Perfectionism, Part II
An example of perfectionistic thoughts Heading link
“I try to make my work perfect, so I agonize and stress myself out. The more I try to work on it, the more I want to procrastinate and not look at it. After a while, there is not enough time for me to put in my best work, so I just rush through it to make the deadline, not get the grade I want and become angry at myself for it.”
Step 1: Setting Appropriate Goals Heading link
Does the above description sound familiar to you? Take a look again at that first sentence: “I try to make my work perfect.” This reflects a goal or standard that is not attainable. Instead, try developing SMART goals, which start us on the path of a different, non-perfectionistic experience.
Using SMART goals, you consider:
- Is my goal Specific?
- Is my goal Measurable?
- Is my goal Achievable/Attainable?
- Is my goal Realistic?
- Is my goal Time-bound?
Therefore, In order to get the identified (specific & measurable) results on this project and make it achievable and/or realistic, I would have to have enough time and energy (time-bound) to make that into reality. If I am rushing to work on this project and expecting to get perfect grade, then I am setting myself up for stress and anxiety.
Introducing SAFE Goals Heading link
An alternative to a SMART goal is a SAFE goal:
- See the end result
- Accept the end result
- Feel the end result
- Express the end result.
This framework is theoretically more effective for people who are “right-brain-dominant.” In other words, for people who prefers to think in a more visual way, SAFE goals may be more effective than SMART goals.
Step 1.5: Challenging Perfectionistic Thoughts Heading link
You might notice that perfectionistic thoughts get in the way of developing appropriate goals. How can we challenge those thoughts?
The key is AWARENESS. That is, we need to be aware of our own perfectionistic thoughts and catch ourselves in the act. (Grow in your awareness by checking out our first post on perfectionism, and identify the cognitive distortions that resonate with you.)
When we do this, the next step is to challenge ourselves with alternative thoughts. For example, as you start to develop goals for project or homework assignment, you might think to yourself: “This assignment is a reflection of me, so it has to be perfect!” An alternative to this might be to gently and curiously ask yourself, “Is this really a reflection of me, or am I possibly more than this assignment?” or “I’m not actually sure this has to be perfect, it can just be good enough.”
Step 2: Challenging Perfectionistic Behavior Heading link
Now that you have developed appropriate goals and started a new narrative with perfectionistic thoughts, it’s time for the big dog: challenging our perfectionistic behaviors. There are two ways to challenge our behaviors: the exposure method and the time management matrix.
Exposure is self-explanatory: we expose ourselves to situations that will cause the anxiety for us to start engaging in perfectionistic behaviors. As we expose ourselves purposely in the situation, our goal is to act opposite to our usual behavioral response.
Types of Exposure Heading link
Exposure #1
For example, let’s say you have a fear of not being prepared enough for tests. Using exposure may look like one of these options:
- Decide on a realistic amount of time to study in advance and take out 10 minutes
- Add a 30 minute break next time you study
- Stop studying when you feel 95% ready
- Stop studying when you feel 80% ready
- If it’s just a short quiz, take a cursory look at the materials if it’s just a short quiz.
When we are performing under perfectionism, we feel like we have to continue to study until we feel ready. But engaging in exposure should help you learn that these behaviors may serve no real function other than to decrease your anxiety for a short time. Often, they tend to increase your anxiety over the long run.
Exposure #2
Alternatively, exposure might look like a more gradual, step-by-step process, like this:
- 1) Develop a hierarchy (Consider starting with imagining the exposure and then doing the exposure in real life)
- 2) Design ways to practice exposing yourself to the imperfect situations
- 3) Start with the easiest and practice until your anxiety decreases noticeably
- 4) Practice frequently and schedule sessions close together
- 5) Expect discomfort
- 6) Don’t use avoidance strategies
- 7) Use coping statements
Time Management Matrix Strategy for Reducing Perfectionistic Behavior Heading link
Another strategy for addressing perfectionistic behavior is the time management matrix.
This will involve dividing all of your tasks into quadrants, dividing the tasks on two spectrums: importance and urgency. The goal here is to categorize everything that you do onto the spectrums and prioritize the tasks based on which tasks/activities goes into which category. Then it is up to us to make sure that we keep the list as is and prioritize what is important! It’s going to look something like this:
Outtro Heading link
We hope this has been a helpful guide for you in understanding, identifying, and addressing perfectionistic thoughts and behaviors. Whether you are working on catching yourself in the act of thinking perfectionistically and coming up with alternatives, or whether you are experimenting with new behaviors that challenge perfectionism, we hope you will be patient and gentle with yourself. New habits, including new ways of thinking, take time and repetition, and ironically, tend to take on quite an imperfect process. You got this!
For Your Reference Heading link
Perfectionism: The Courage to Be Imperfect, a Group Leader’s Guide by Diana Damer & J. Mike Ross
S.A.F.E. Goals by The Peak Performance Center
There’s a S.M.A.R.T way to Write Management’s Goals and Objectives by George Duran
